This Week.

This week, I want to be something different. I want to improve.
I want to inspire. I want to be inspired.
I don't want the desires of others to taint or persuade me in continuing to pursue the things I want.
The things I need.
All is not lost.
In the grand scheme of things, much has yet to be found.
For me.
For us.
For us all.

The things you need to make it 50 years.

David and Shirley

The One Who Got Us There

                   By: Alyssa Hanson

              Saturday, May 5^th, 2012

The purpose of this exchange tonight is to remember and respect the rarity of a lifetime that these two, David and Shirley Patrick, have spent together.  A purpose intended not only to acknowledge it while they renew their vows to forever love, cherish, and value one another, but also to teach those of us who haven't celebrated this season in our lives…

 About what it really takes to keep a marriage alive. 

The following remarks are therefore, recollections and compilations, from not only David and Shirley, but from their children's marriages, written amidst their grandchildren’s thoughts, about where that strength comes from. 

About how the fire remains burning. 

One of the first ingredients to a successful marriage that everyone mentioned was the initial chemistry involved followed by the intimacy that both experience following the lifting of the veil. 

Shirley recalled the first few years of marriage as multifaceted, saying:

"We had plans to finish school first, but then Lisa came along. We bought our first house for 516 dollars, and all we had in it was a mattress on the floor, a card table, and some newspaper. "

It was one of the happiest times in their lives.”

Having nothing but each other to rely on, their first expression of intimacy together cooing in the corner, paint splattered all over one of David’s old t-shirts. 

It was youth. I

t was purity. 

It was true love. 

And they not only managed to sustain it, but grow together amongst the equivalent of years spent apart while David drove the truck and Shirley went to nursing school. 

  The energy that they felt for one another, the same energy experienced at the beginning, has never wavered.

 Never changed. 

Turn on a light in their bedroom, and the red ambiance that casts romance upon their bedside will tell you that not only do they have a spark, but 50 years later, they are still as attracted to each other as the day they met.  

Lisa, their oldest daughter, remarked about knowing the value of being spontaneous. She recalled one morning when David woke up and wanted to visit family: they all jumped in the truck and headed out to California. Shirley learned how to drive that very truck. 

Laughter is often in such abundance in the beginning of a relationship. 

When life takes over, however, it is also usually the first thing to dissipate. Julie and Damon remarked that remembering to laugh at yourselves and at life makes the journey so much more colorful and fulfilling. 

An ambiguous and seemingly ominous task is always knowing how to communicate with one another.

Shirley notes in her memories of their dating years that David "wasn't like the rest of them," that he spoke with "an intelligence and depth that made her feel secure in the levels of communication that they would be able to achieve."

 Through it all, talking it out has kept them both from keeling over when a disagreement lit up an argument. 

Learning how to compromise often came up as an integral component from all couples There may be times when larger issues, such as where to raise children, can create dissension. Other times, it may be the simplicity of daily lives that require such compromise. After all, both you and your spouse will not always want to watch the same television show, eat the same dinner, or turn on the red lamp in the bedroom at the same time.  

Yes, compromise is huge. 

         Being adaptive to change is a life lesson that both Dave and Shirley had to learn with each other, as well as being able to sustain hardship in its various forms- financial issues, health problems, and the expansion of the family meant growing together, and leaning on each other through it all. 

Commitment- Mark and Lisa defined this as working on it when you think you cannot work on it anymore, and with a level of patience which can only be learned. 

Perhaps one of the elements that separate the ones we date from the one we marry is the shift of focus, from what we expect to receive in the relationship to what will make the other happy.

Along with this focus comes needing to understand and take an interest in each other's worlds- this is a different way of expressing love. This means learning each other's love language and catering to it. 

Developing a Best Friendship- this is a fundamental element that must never be forgotten. How can one spouse begin to know the other if the details are always left out?

Sharing the little things matter. 

Those details may be lost and forgotten in the long run, but, it is in those details that you will to fall over and over in love with each other, all while helping to keep within sight the dream David and Deanna shared, the one that they both had from the beginning…

To share your lives together.  

         In a marriage, it is essential to allow your spouse to be who they really are.  It wasn’t until Shirley married David that she truly began to understand that he was not a rooted individual- he was meant to fly. And she allowed him to do so, even though it meant many nights spent without him.  

And while David had a large wingspan, Shirley needed music, routine, and a compass through which she viewed the world. It was this same compass that has always filled her with desire to give and minister in the church. The roots of her spirit and the height of his have led to a balance that has helped them thrive together for all of these years.

It is something every marriage needs to thrive.

Yes, all of this is what helps to make a marriage last, but all couples agreed that the true component of a strong union is the one that they share with our Savior.

Both independently and together, David and Shirley's fire for the Lord has been the foundation of all that came before, and all that will come after,  the story of their grand love.

 It is with this thought that we celebrate their union once again, after 5 decades of commitment, loyalty, adoration and a divine  energy summarized by this one last piece of advice:

"And though you strive for many things,

All that your lives allow,

The weight of it alone will crush it all.

And you will drown.

If you don't keep it close to-

He who died and He who dared.

Then In your love you’ll be rewarded,

Remembering who got you there. "

Magic.

I think it's safe to say
We've herded our hearts, now.
Into the sort of place where
We're all in or out.
For all you've asked is why
My mouth won't make the
Words
Goodbye....
Why dont you try...

to tell me you're missing me?
And I will try listening.
With lips barely glistening
Running out of pretend.
Yeah, we've reached a dead end.
Might as well just admit ,
It just might be time to quit,
We've been rusted.
Gone are days when we were
Pixie Dusted.

Didn't always feel like an impass .
In fact your light had carved the path
The pavement which we walked with aim
But too much fire without rain --

Made you stop trying to miss me.
you'd cry, but I'd stopped listening.
Still memories of our glittered hours
Never enough, i did devour
Each lasting touch of perfect skin.
that day we were a perfect sin.
Now gone are the days
When the cameramen
chased our love
Down.


there's no Epcot
To recall.
Twas only magic
After all.
magic's
Lust
Was our downfall.

The reality of a dream.

Laying here, amongst my dimly lit,lightly snoring family, I have before me--
A task.
One that was brought on by a necessary tragedy.
One that will help me pick myself up faster than if I try to carry myself out of this on my own.
Do I want to be missing out on this weekend to be in Florida? No.
Do I feel well prepared for this trip?
Of course not.
Did I leave many pieces of myself in my Midwestern hometown...
Strewn about the state in a hansel and Gretel shaded pattern?
I wish I could say no about that one.
But the fact of the matter is that life
Rarely prepares us for any of the things that we are thrown into.
That is what helps us understand life.
Hardship gives us the dream.
Pain is the inspiration.
fire is what keeps us pressing onward, and only out of the ashes of what its beautiful destruction leaves behind can we find where the desire ; the dream ends ...
And where making it a reality can begin.
after all,
A fire is only beautiful to watch until it burns your fingers.
One must never be afraid of
What happens
When you
Put
It
Out.

Holding all the Coats.

Tonight i was the background harlett. 

Scarlet  holding all the coats. 

Tonight i watched the lives before me

Design, and  laugh, 

and boast

 every instance that they'd walked 

and every time they fell. 

And I met some who'd fallen. 

Fallen hard, 

but picked up well. 

And then I watched in disbelief

at in my life what i'd achieved

and where I've come to with my time . 

At 23, I Pity my--

self diluted sickness

that I've done all I can do. 

You wanna know that moment?

My nightmares did come true. 

I finally have reached the place 

Where I stand in all black-

Still holding onto all the coats, 

and they're not looking back. 

For while I'm simmering 

Like the burn of some forgotten stew-

The singers sang a melody that breathed life into view. 

And if I don't do something, 

stop fearing for the cost. 

My  fear will overtake me. 

My Song. 

It will be lost. 

Believing in the Journey.

In order to fulfill a dream, you have to be willing to go through a journey.
Every journey is a process, I think.
Of active persistence and subconscious passion.
There is nothing in the world if we as a race lose our passion.
But what if we broke it down?
Dissect it until we start with the beginning --
the individual and his/her dream.
What was mine?
What still is?
Is it to sing?
I have tried not to breathe music when I allow air into my lungs.
I have run away from it, and
scorned it,
and devoured it's seemingly stand-alone
desire to be heard.
My voice.
I have cowered behind it.
Tried to diminish it.
Even with things that sustain life,
I have tried to burn it away.
And yet, here I sit, yet again, in this huge, dusty space,
with it sitting right in front of me.
And yet I cannot face it.
I can't face it?
I don't know why I haven't tried harder
to revel in the things that I know would make me whole.
So what is stopping me today?
Does anything have to?

Too far into the future. 

 encaged in my small past. 

But i think the wall i've hit now ,

the wall that's growing fast

Is one the I can conquer 

if I will let it be 

swallow my pride 

and draw new lines 

Believe in my journey. 

Sorting things out

I spent the day trying to sort things out.
Trying to sift through where I have gone and where I am now and
where I want to be in the future.
I am fully aware that I haven't a lot of time to do the exploration of my interests and heart left.
But that level of pressure is, in and of itself..
Incredibly stifling.

I want to do so much.
I think that we so often forget that our goals needn't lay underneath floorboards,
collecting dust.
For if we don't have them,
what is the point of anything?

I cannot allow myself to continue down this path of the remedial.
I must seek another new experience.
I must write, and sing, and travel, and play.

Today I wrote a song.
I have 2 jobs, and I'm registered for classes,
 and I'm about to acquire an internship.

But none of it matters.
I configured pieces of a puzzle, put it all together, and still the
picture is indecipherable.

Do I really have to start all over?

Did I really start all over?

The Orchid.

I woke up this morning with vigor in my veins,
bound and determined to have a really productive day.
Stretching, picking up clothes, and getting ready to go
downstairs ensued.
I don't know why it caught my eye this morning.
The mildewed moss inside the squared
glass box.
I tried to make the coffee first,
but it's corpse-like stance drew me back to it ...
Like some memory long forgotten.
Like a haunted, crispy room.
Approaching, I realized what it was.
It had been vibrant, purple once .
Endearing in the strangest of ways.
Embracing me on the tiny nightstand
when I slept once.
Alone.
It saw me through a trying time.
And when I thought I'd lost myself
It shielded me from things that hurt
and reminded me to stay.
Colorful.
The orchid is dead now.
It's time to let go.
The season of it has passed.
But I will not forget
All it's dream-catcher ways.
As it served its purpose
at last.

"To every thing there is a purpose under heaven.:"

Maybe someday I will be that for someone.
And have a purpose.
and be my true colors .
Fulfilled.
So that when it comes time for me to revert into my own glass box,
I will welcome the peace with open arms....
Resting in the knowledge that I never
conformed to anyone's shades
of grey.

Just because.

To be freed from something is not always what it seems.
Being back in Ohio hasn't really felt normal since I have been back.
In hindsight, I cannot regret my decision, even if I feel that I should.
In hindsight, I need to remember that I am much more than I allowed myself to become in the days and weeks that have slowly passed me by.
And now that I've lived like an insect.
Like a fly.
Buzzing around on someone else's wall.
With out my own sweet, painted walls...
I've come to find that when alone
 I have to face my fears,
 I know.

I've nothing  now but endless time .
and  here I am-
 without a dime.
Without a rhyme.
Without a face.
I'm not established in this place .

But try my hardest now, I will.
and try to see that I am still-
the rose that i once knew I
was.
When I was redder
just because.